queuing theory

Tempers flared at Vivo city earlier this week. One man was allegedly beating up another for cutting his queue. The emotional turbulence that swirled within these two men is something I cannot grasp. Why so serious? What is the opportunity cost of 5min? Maybe staying in France for 2years, I have subconsciously accepted their lassie faire way of life. Now, I have the patience of a fisherman. Last Thursday, I began my day by waiting an hour and a half for a haircut. The other barber was sick (how untimely). After which I went on to wait at POSB tiong bahru. So i practically spend a whole morning and half an afternoon queuing. You know how wise patient fishermen like to make small talk with one another. So I turned behind and asked the aunty behind me how's her morning? (you can always do this at POSB tiong bahru branch, because this neighborhood's demographic has a disproportionally high percentage of talkative ah mahs and ah pehs.) The wise ah mah continue and dispense to me the Queuing Theory with application to outlets in the Redhill area.

"You wait here and queue for me. I go and talk to the uncles and aunties who are seated over there." I obliged obediently. We were at the end of the queue anyway. She went around and did her little ground survey going from uncles to aunties to uncles. The old people in the neighborhood seems to know one another, unlike the younger generations, I reflected. She came back into the queue after her rounds and reported,"xiao lian geh, we go to the Bt Merah Central outlet. It will be faster there." I hestitated a little. Would taking a 10min bus ride to another outlet shorten my waiting time? She seemed to read my hestitation. She pressured me a little more and I caved. On the bus ride, she gave me a detailed analysis of the situation.

"Old people like us, we cannot stand for very long. The queue in the bank is so long, our legs will hurt if we have to stand in the queue for too long. So many old people will come to the bank and ask the person in front and behind to keep their place in the queue for them. Then they go and sit on the chairs inside the bank or the kfc outside. The number of people you see in the queue is really not the number of people queuing. You have to count the number of people in the queue plus the number of old people seated in the banks and the number of old people seated in kfc. So today, if you have waited there, you will have to wait for 1hr or longer." After she finished, I consciously closed my dropped jaw. What wisdom. She should do operation research for the bank to help model their queuing system.

Aunty was right. The queue in Bt Merah Central was only 10min. Vite faire. Though the queuing time was short, there was an over zealous uncle. He was dispensing out medicinal advice to an indian lady who was having throat irritations. Frog legs he reccommended. Brew into a tonic soup and take 3 servings a day. He went on for a few minutes and he eventually gave up as the indian lady was ignoring him already. The sign on the wall flashed,"Counter 5.". The chinese lady at the head of the queue, oblivious to the new update, was slow to react. From right at the back of the queue, he said, "Hello Hello. Miss Please Move."

I can imagine with over zealous uncle like this, and hidden uncle queuers at tiong bahru; no wonder people sometimes break up into fights.

The army should recruit Redhill aunties as their reconnaissance scouts. They do great ground analysis.