binge

I went for a mood lifting food binge with aa. Together the two of us adopted a 4 pronged approach and attacked the braised duck and chau siew rice, liang toufu, chicken curry and fried fish slices soup in milk with unrestrained earnestness. I was led by my sidekick to believe that the food was consumed in an outrageously uneven ratio of 7: 3. Dessert was promptly suggested even before i could think about what to get for a 5th plate. I had pumpkin ice cream which tasted horrible..

food is a brick of morale.

tub of joy

there is nothing sinful in ice cream therapy.

circumstances

If there is anyone to be blamed, then it would have been me. I had known better, but I choose to force a reaction out of you. Im not sorry I had chosen not to exercise the others options that were available to me. Only a fine line divides hopeful optimism and self denial. There was no other was to make myself realise that i am in self denial, other than to crush the last strands of hope. I no longer live in self denial, but i had paid a high price for it. I'm sad, but i think im wiser.

if you had felt any guilt... im sorry.

sunday

sunday was spent languishing over whether i should hang out in the living room or the bedroom.. i hate having to make such major decisions on my first weekend in Singapore.

sunday is family day.

home

i feel like a tourist in singapore. the french language has been wired so deeply into my system that I have to consciously stop myself from using french punch lines when i am speaking. i managed to get myself lost in NUS. i forgot what are the terms and conditions for the ezylink student's bus concession. I cant get used watching channel 8 drama series. I cant find $2 fishball noodles anywhere. I crossed the roads looking at the wrong side. I asked people what is the Henderson Wave. Also, home doesnt feel like home when you have to sleep in the living room, wait for your turn to surf internet and have to ask your sister to help you find out where is the towel's hangout place. im hungry in the middle of the night and i dunno where all the food is being hidden. the list goes on...

i am in reverse culture shock.

returning home

"Everything seems fitting,

there should be no guilt in leaving.
you i have to leave behind,
for selfish reasons that are purely mine.

i took my last chance
to steal a final redeeming glance
at your sweet endearing smile
which i'll carry with me across 7000 miles."

-cj

i'll be back soon.

Returning Home

Finally after a year I'm returning home.