i cannot do it

Their black eyes looked like tiny shiny beads delicately sewn onto their slim bodies. I peered at it cautiously. Not moving closer. Not inhaling. Not touching it. I was told they are safe touch; their spiny claws have already been mercilessly pulled off. If the pain of losing their two limbs was not enough to kill them, the tribulations that will follow shortly probably will. The smaller ones are not putting up a fight, probably it's their way of acknowledging their impending demise with quiet resentment. Their bigger counterparts struggles to flee back into the safety of the waters with every chance they got. Fruitless. Even if they manage to find their way back to their water, it is a slower death through starvation.

"Grab one, it's not as scary as you think"

In this world that penalizes smallness, I know they are not scary. They are only the size of my palm. I am not able to bring myself to hold such fragile lives in my hand, lest impale them from head to tail. Their not struggling did not help very much as I have already filled my guilt ridden head with images of myself being impaled. What a painful way to die, I thought. Funny for me to think of Confucius' Golden Rule now: Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself. That has never crossed my mind when I feasted on chicken. Perhaps the unlikely event of being turned into chicken feed had warded off any guilt that comes with eating chickens. Why didn't that same apathy kick it now? Was I afraid of being turned into fish feed? Or I no longer think of them as sea food or dietary supplements.

"Touch it."

I held out my hand for what seemed like eternity and finally lay a feeble finger on its head. I closed my eyes, squeezed them into a thin line and waited for the moment. Nothing. There was not any overwhelming gushes of memories nor any sudden warmth that embodies me as two souls connect. Nothing. Maybe it has nothing to say to me. I curled my fingers back into the protective fist, took a step back and walked away.

Dismemberment. Impalement. Barbecued.

prawning post processing is not for me.. i will help to de-shell them later once they are red.